I hate rules. 

I am the FIRST to say let’s break them. Find a way around them. 

BUT, in all my breaking 

I’ve made some messes 

and in those messes, I started noticing patterns and reoccurring Oops episodes that eventually I knew I needed to interrupt. 

So rather than follow someone else’s rules, I started making up my own and compiling a list of the repeated practices that I’ve learned the hard way. 

They help me keep going. 

They help me not quit. 

They help me keep perspective and not add gasoline to the fires already blazing inside my mind. 

They help me pursue better with the expectation of winning. 

They help me persist when its darker than midnight in my line of sight. 

And they help me understand myself better when I battle all the whys and whens and hows and ins and outs of everyday life. 

But mostly, they help me inspire and motivate and challenge and change people’s lives. 

With their permission of course. 

Otherwise, I’d just be another bully trying to impose my way upon their way. 

So, I seriously hope you find one or two that stick and straighten your path a little narrower on your way to whatever Pursuit you are in for Your Better. 

Rule No. 1.

First You Gotta be Teachable.

You don't know everything.

No one does.

And if you think you do

that's the problem right there.

No. Really.

Be teachable.

Listen to your coach or your trainer or your mentor.

And if you don't have one.

Go Get one.

Like Now. 

Yesterday Now.

You wanna be dumber? 

Wait until tomorrow. 

Everyone needs someone that has walked just a few feet before them. That’s why we have leaders. They pave the way first. To make it less bumpy for you. For us.

So, listen to them. 

We lead because we must.  

We were called here 

To go first 

To walk first 

To seek first 

To make all the wrong turns and hit the bumps first. 

Now you don’t have to follow everything little thing they say or do. 

BUT we weren’t meant to walk solo. 

So, don’t.

And if you can’t get a coach (yet). 

At a minimum, get a group that connects you to a level of learning that is new for you

or different for you

or challenging for you.

Because if you aren't learning

you aren't growing

and if you aren't growing

well, we all know, you are dying

Settling

Suffering

Stagnant

Stale

Stopped in time

Stuck as you are.

Ugh. 

How Terrifying.

So let your walls down.

And quit thinking your way is the only way.

Release the protective gear you've got up around your mindset, 

Which by the way is just an overused word for your attitude that you bring to the table in everything you do. 

Open your perspective that THERE are other perspectives out there.

That someone might know a different way than you

And you might actually like it, learn from it and enjoy leaning into it!


Rule No 2.

Keep Your Mind Open

And close your mouth. 

Listen.

Like really listen. 

Soak in it. 

Hear it.

Whatever IT is. 

Listen. 

Observe.

Absorb.

Then seek those opportunities that look unique from what you are used to.

Because if you are used to something then more than likely you aren't appreciating it as much as you used to and you probably aren’t learning from it any longer, which means it's more than likely dragging down your development.

So unless you wanna stay stuck…

Open up your availability to new 

and to different 

and to scary 

and to challenging 

and to adventurous people places things and moments.

It's actually, extremely freeing when you stop carrying all the weight in your way 

Thinking your way is the only way.

That’s heavy and hard to hold on to

So let that shit go.

And receive the openness that different might be better 

or sweeter 

or softer 

or stronger 

or smarter 

or simpler.

Rule No 3.

The Rule of 3 

So, I use this rule multiple times and in multiple ways throughout my coaching. 

To build skills. 

To process. 

To teach.

It’s simple 

and it sticks.  

All you gotta do is try at least three times before making a decision as to whether or not you like that something new that you are trying.

Because at first, 

Let’s face it, 

You aren’t really being as open as you can be 

because we still got walls up

and guards up

and our first-string defense on speed dial up.

Bottom line… 

You can't judge an experience off of one experience.

You can't throw your hands up and quit on your first shot.

Try again
And again
And again.

If after three times
Like three really good honest tries

Like look in your eyes and know

I was open
I listened
I observed
I was available with genuine effort

And still no 

Then OK.

So be it.

But give IT
whatever IT is
A fair chance.

Most often we quit too soon
And if we had just kept going, the blessing would have been just around the bend.

So don’t be a maybe
or would have
Or could have
Or should have

Go Do.

Three times. 

I bet you something sticks.

I bet you something stays. 

I bet you something inside of you succeeds.

Rule No. 4. 

Accept you will have to Sacrifice and Subtract from certain behaviors to get your desired outcome.

Here's the hard truth.

When you want better
or new
or more…

When you are suffering or settling into your own messes and mistakes

There comes a time 

Eventually 

When you 

finally have to flip the switch and say

I'm done
No more
I must do this

And in doing so, 

You WILL have to give up some things

But the trick here is to focus on what you will gain
NOT

on what you lose

Because what you lose

Most likely 

Toxic People
Places that seduce you to stay the same
Things that hurt you
Alcohol that drains you
Drugs that darken you
Lies that lead you astray
Betrayal, mostly of yourself

Overspending
Comparison
Perfectionism

Procrastination 

Avoidance

And so on and on and on and on

You aren't really losing anything

Are you?

You'd be Gaining

Loyalty to yourself
Energy for a life you like
Love for yourself
Grace for yourself

Abundance
Freedom
Empowerment
Joy
Peace

Health 

Gratitude 

Or whatever IT is inside yourself 

that keeps bringing you here 

to this space you're in

Remove the negative
Do less stupid stuff
And let go of the comfort zone secretly smothering you and cutting off your potential to pursue your true self with passion and purpose

Subtract the stupid stuff.

Make room for the revival stuff.


Rule No. 5. 

Acknowledge your Attitude and Effort

In the middle of a workout

In the middle of your day

In the middle of your life

In the middle of everything

Acknowledge your attitude and effort is your best

In that second 

In that moment 

In that day 

Sure, it’ll vary from day to day

But you compete with no one but yourself. 

This rule is what I call

The What Are You Bringing to the Table Rule
And the Be Here Now Rule.

It's the whole mindset of: 

I've got this
I can do this
I want this

I need this
And my attitude reflects it with authority.

So ask yourself 

Are you actually giving your best effort?

Your best attention?

Are you really refueling on vacation or side-stepping it with fitting in emails here and there?

Really? 

IS it just text or two?

Are you showing up for your kids? Or is everyone on their phones?

Do you actually talk to your person

like you did when you first dated
or are you numbing out on Hulu 

and gaming on your phone?

Are you busying yourself with menial tasks to escape the reality you live in? 

Or are you taking on the weight of other people’s problems to escape yours?

Now I'm not saying we aren't entitled to veg out and eff off during the day

Take 10 min
Take an hour

Eff off. 

Forget about anything and everything that is cluttering your clarity. 

That’s weighing you down.
That’s overpowering your energy.

Decompress. 

Breathe. 

Recharge. 

Hell

We do it to our phones multiple times a day.

But when your time is up

It's up.

And then your effort needs to be brought like your life depends on it

Because it does. 

So, if you're working out
Work

Out

Work out hard
Sweat 

Grunt 

Curse
Get breathless
 

When you're on a date
Be on a date

Phones away
Like off the table 

on silent 

in airplane mode

away

A be here NOW in the moment

minute by minute with the person who chooses you

date.

Think about that. 

This person chose you

And keeps choosing you every day

  Out of the whole wide world

They choose you. 

Don’t they deserve your present heart and mind and attention and energy and effort?

AND 

when you're at Work…

Work.

Head down 

Super focused

Produce what you are being paid to produce

And then produce more

Perform with the same intention that got you the job

Because remember

At one point in your life

YOU wanted to be there

Working on and at this job

Building that business

Advancing your efforts for a cause

You wanted this

So be there.

Show up for your old prayers. 

Show up
With effort and an attitude that reflects a You that You can be proud of.

You Don't have to be perfect
That's nonexistent

And if you think you do

Stop.

You don’t.

Just show up 

in the Now

With some pizzaz
With some umph
With some elbow grease

You deserve that.

Your moments inside your moments deserve that.


Rule No.6.

Let Go of the Past

You can't go back
and You can't get it back

You are not what you used to be
And You will never be that again

Nor do you want to be
You just think you do

If you were meant to be there
Or have what you used to have

You would still have it
and You would still be there

But you are meant for more

So the sooner you Surrender everything about your old Self
The sooner you get a chance to meet your new Self

Living in the past
Holding on to bad experiences
Containing our trauma
Our tension
Our tragedies

Hurts

Painfully bad

I've been through my fair share of life

Good

Great
Bad
Ugly
On repeat

And the thing that taught me most about not living in the past
is recognizing all the good because of it

What it taught you
How it built you
And most beautifully
what It brought you through 

Which is

To Here
and

To Now

And that's a pretty good place to be

Even if it isn’t your winning season

and It’s probably a better season that what it used to be 

Otherwise, you’d still be IN

what you used to be in. 

Letting go of the past gives you the gift of capability and capacity to move forward, so you can receive the goodness waiting for you on the other side

So. 

Let. 

It. 

Go. 

You don’t wanna be there anymore. 

You’ve outgrown it 

You’ve overcome it

You’ve succeeded the surviving of it. 

So. 

Let. 

It. 

Go. 

And Go Get What’s Yours Still to Come.


Rule No. 7.

Stop Overthinking

Oh my Goodness

Get out your head

Quit planning out every scenario that will most likely not ever happen

Excessive planning breeds your fears and uncertainties and anxieties and made-up nightmares that haunt you in the middle of the day.

Stop that. 

If you wanna jump
Jump

If you feel excited
Nervous
or Scared

Good

Go effing do what your gut is
Begging you to do

Overthinking is YOU getting in your own way

It's YOU giving excuses to not follow through

Its Headaches
and Wasted time
and Lost Energy
And sets you back days or weeks or months from where you would have been had you acted outside of your head

When you have made a decision, but delay the execution of it
It takes up prime space in your mind
it slows you down
it wears you out

And sinks you in your own ship

It's like treading water with no way out of the pool 

And You will eventually drown 

if you don’t learn how to rescue yourself 

from yourself.

Decision fatigue and overthinking is you being too scared to act on the decision you already made.

It's justifying potential other ways 

even though you've already made up your mind those aren’t even options

So get out of your head. 

Fight your internal foe by friending the fear you’ve been shying away from. 

Act. 

Follow through. 

Don’t think about the action one day longer. 

If you got the go for it gut feeling. 

Follow THAT to find the freedom you seek. 

Otherwise, you’ll get sucked under when your boat fills with all the indecisiveness your fears have fed you.


Rule No. 8.

Quit Searching for New Answers to the Same Question

You already know the answer. 

You don't need more research
You don't need to ask another friend 

or coworker or counselor

You’ve Googled it enough 

You’re just not doing Rule No.7.  

You’re in your head

and NOW you’re projecting that silly self on to others by bogging them down with your selfish inability to act in spite of. 

If you ask the same question more than once 

To multiple sources

You aren’t looking for answers

You are looking for some kind of weird applause for your inability to act.

Ouch. 

That hurts. 

Doesn’t it? 

Go ahead. 

Hate me.

But it’s the truth. 

There is no magic pill
No magic plan
No magic wand that can whip up a quick fix to any of your problems.

Your problems are still your problems because you choose to keep them as problems.

And the answers to everything you want are in the mirror looking straight back at you.

Now you might need help and knowledgeable resources to untangle the web you’ve walked into

BUT you're just kidding yourself otherwise.

So stop searching
Go have a moment in the mirror

and expose the answer you’re hiding within.

Quit looking for more life rafts that keep you out to sea.

And start swimming to the other shore.


Rule No. 9.

Do the Effing Work

So now that your open-minded

and are learning 

and are letting go of the past

and now 

that you've had a few not so fun conversations with the human in the mirror

Do the work.
Take the next step. 

And do the work. 

It’s just one step. 

Just one.

Make a plan

And then step.
and then step again. 

Then breathe. 

Then refuel 

Then go again. 

Now do step three. 

Step four. 

Then breathe. 

Push pause. 

Go again. 

It’s that elementary simple. 

Don’t look at your whole plan. 

Don’t see the mountain top.

JUST see the step just in front of you. 

That’s it. 

Just one.  

To get where you want to go 

Assuming you still want to go there

The work has to be done.

And it’s found in asking the hard questions
It’s found in being honest with yourself
It’s found in your grace and in your grit

It's doing it anyways when you don't feel like
It's not being a baby
It's ending the excuses

It's divorcing your old self

Doing the work relieves the stress

Doing the work builds the business

Doing the work repairs the relationships 

Doing the work reveals the dreams

Doing the work redefines your values and thoughts and actions and habits 

Doing the work gives you back a life you love

And That's the work necessary to get your gut screaming 

Hell Yeah!

Rule No. 10.

Press Repeat. 

Do it again, but better.

This is a Core Value of mine in coaching and in my life.

It’s part of my seven-step system for success.  It’s also the easiest part of the process.

Repeat steps 1-9

Done. 

Can’t get much easier than that. 

But here is the catch. 

Repeating the process MUST be applied to anything and everything you do from here on out.

Because NOW

You are obligated to your future self

You are actually Required 

Honored 

Challenged 

Privileged 

To do it again 

But Better

Smarter
Braver
Bolder
Stronger

Because if you can win in one area

You can win in all areas. 

And why would you NOT now

Knowing that you can? 

I don’t know who said it FIRST, but 

How you do anything is how you do everything. 

I didn’t get that for years.  

And that’s because I was living compartmentalized lives within my lies. 

Like on Mad Men, John Hamm’s character can go from lie to lie to lie in his life because he compartmentalized his double lives. 

I did that. 

Don’t do that. 

Its sucks. 

And It’ll catch up to you 

And It’ll wear you down 

and It WILL win. 

So, if you’re lucky enough to learn some valuable lessons and apply them and use them to make yourself better and others better

If you’ve learned what to expect from yourself

You can anticipate your Triggers 

You can be prepared for Circumstances 

You can stand steadfast in the Storms

And you can tune into your self-awareness that you are actually running in the right direction

That you NOW know how to stand up against your old self

Because sometimes they like reunions 

Don’t go to that shit 

It ain’t a party 

It’s a trap. 

Be glad and proud you were able to expose it out of your current space

Be proud you Left it behind 

And can walk away without it chasing you down

Because NOW

Right Now

Your effort is on point
Your patience is steady
Your heart is open

And believe it or not

You're ready to do it all over again,

But Better.